For example, if you are walking your dog through the park, let your dog lead. If he or she shows interest in another pup, you can use this interest to strike up a connection with the other dog’s owner. Ask whether this person’s dog is friendly, what it likes to do for fun, or the weirdest thing it ever ate. Think about it, you already know of at least one mutual interest you have with this individual - a love of animals.
Start a conversation with someone you see regularly about his spiritual beliefs and see where it goes. Invite members of your spiritual or religious group to join a book club devoted to spirituality or personal development. [2] X Research source
If you notice someone at work or in a class and you believe the two of you might hit it off, ask her out for coffee or for ice cream. Or, when someone asks you out to an activity, return the favor by inviting her to something next time. Even online invitations to be friends can lead to lasting and fulfilling relationships. Opening yourself up to virtual friendships can be just as rewarding as face-to-face connections. What’s more, if your virtual friends are local, once you feel ready, you can always arrange to meet up and move an online relationship off-line. [4] X Research source Just use good judgment when sharing personal information.
Common interests- hobbies, shared activities, passions, etc. History- shared pasts and circumstances Common values- ideals for how to live life Equality- a balance of give and take Decide which combination of elements is most important to you. By doing so, you can learn what places or situations might help you foster new friendships. For example, if you care about history and you are struggling with social anxiety, you might connect well with a person in your support group who has overcome this condition in the past.
Do I feel safe around this person? Can I be myself around him or her, or do I have to tiptoe around eggshells when we’re together? Does this person treat me with respect? Is he or she supportive of my ideas and goals? Can I trust this person? Is this person overly critical of me? Does this person take my kindness for granted?
In University of Liverpool study, when one friend ordered an alcoholic beverage, 80% of the time, the other friend followed suit. Friends even matched how heavy the other friend drank, without even knowing. [10] X Research source If a potential friend has unhealthy habits or negatively influences your life, you may need to assess the value of that friendship. While drinking may not be a make or break for a new friendship, drug addiction or criminal activity might be red flags for you to stay away from a fledgling relationship.
The give and take in a friendship may not always be equal. For example, your friend might be really stressed over her parents’ divorce and require more support for a time. However, if the friendship is always one-sided, and you are constantly giving of yourself or acting against your own needs or values, this may not be a friendship you choose to continue. [13] X Research source
Although you should make an effort to spend time with your friends, recognize that not every relationship will be the same. With some friends, you may fall into the habit of meeting up every Thursday night. With others, such as long-distance friendships, you may only get together every other month or so. Find a balance for each of your friendships. Simply take out the time to let your friends know you are thinking about them and interested in their lives.
being comfortable with silence orienting towards the person, making eye contact, exhibiting open body language (i. e. arms and legs uncrossed) offering validation (e. g. “I understand this is a hard topic for you to discuss…” prompting the person to continue talking (e. g. “I see…” or “Umm hmm”) restating the message in your own words (e. g. “If I understand you correctly, you’re saying…”) reflecting what feelings you are perceiving (e. g. “It sounds like you’re really angry”) using “I” messages (e. g. “I can see that you’re sad, but have you considered…”) refraining from giving advice unless it is expressly requested
If you are uncomfortable with self-disclosure, start small. [19] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Tell the friend something a little more personal that you have never shared, like a quirky career aspiration, and gauge her reaction. If your friend ask questions, seems interested, refrains from judging, and discloses personal information to you as well, you might move forward to sharing more intimate details about yourself. Only do this if you feel 100% comfortable with the other person, and believe that she is loyal.
Examples of boundaries in friendships might be respecting one another’s privacy, refraining from sharing confidential information, not expecting to be a person’s one and only friend, being able to participate in hobbies and activities that you find pleasurable individually, and acknowledging one another’s likes and dislikes. [20] X Research source
Positive people live longer and have more friends than their negative counterparts.
